


Pour Your Heart Out

by Oranakka



Category: Designated Survivor (TV)
Genre: Break Up, Developing Relationship, F/M, Feelings Realization, Love, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 21:12:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14410653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oranakka/pseuds/Oranakka
Summary: OS. Set after 2x11. Seeing Aaron being held hostage in Cuba made Emily realize a lot of things, and during a sleepless night, she decides to change her life around, impacting both Seth and Aaron in the meantime.





	Pour Your Heart Out

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't the first story I write or publish, but this is the first one here. It has already been published elsewhere, so if you've already seen it, it is normal.  
> The idea came to my mind after 2x11. I am a hopeless Emron shipper, and this episode made me think that maybe, not everything is over for them.  
> If you know me, you may already know that I am not an English-speaking native, so I take happily any comment, whether it is a suggestion on my writing, or just because you feel like commenting. 
> 
> Hope you'll like it !

_“We’re getting Aaron back”_

 

_“Safe and sound”_

 

_“If you’re trying to tell me that you’re not sure about it, about us, then I need you to just say that”_

 

All these words were resonating in her head like an echo that wouldn’t stop. She was tossing and turning in her bed,  not  able to find her sleep. She knew he was safe and sound, that everybody in the delegation was back to D.C., but she had not seen him, and she couldn’t stop wondering how he was. She had really thought she would never see him again, and the images of him in these videos kept flashing back every single time she would try and close her eyes. It was already two in the morning, but she just couldn’t sleep. So she gave up, and walked to the living room with a blanket and her pillow. She laid on the couch and turned the TV on, channel-surfing. And then she stopped on CNN. Of course, the hostage-crisis involving six Senators and five Congressmen had been the main story of every news channel all day long, and she was really frustrated. She wanted to put that past her, forget about all of it, but everything was making her think about it. Exasperated, she turned off the television and sighed. Rolling on her back, she looked at the ceiling, wondering what to do to finally fall asleep. She needed to sleep, the day had been very long, and she knew the ones coming would be too. She desperately needed to sleep, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t help wondering what was happening to her, and what had happened during the day. She had sort of broken things off with Seth, and she knew it was the right thing to do. She couldn’t handle it anymore. She wasn’t as deep into it as he was. But she still cared about him, and she couldn’t help thinking about how things would go the next day. She had not seen him after their last talk in her office, and she was worried to deal with him in the coming days. How would he react? Would he be pissed? Would he ignore her? Would he snap at her? And what about her? How would she react? Would she act as if nothing had happened? Would she ignore him? Would she feel sorry for him? Inside, she was torn apart between the feelings she had for Seth, that she couldn’t quite define even after months of “relationship”, and the feelings she had had for Aaron, that she had buried deep inside, but had come back to the surface with the possibility of never seeing him again. 

 

“Ok, so what do I do now?” she asked herself out loud.

 

She sighed one more time, not that she could really count the number of times she had sighed in the past few hours since she had been back home. She realized her eyes were still wide open and that there were no way she would be able to sleep without alcohol. But alcohol was out of question, she had to be up in four hours to go to work, granted that no emergency would come up before. So she sat up, and looked at the now dark screen in front of her. 

 

“Let’s go for a run” she said out loud again.

 

She stood up and walked back to her bedroom to find her running clothes at the back of a drawer. Since she had started working at the White House, she could count on one hand the number of times she had run. She just never had the time. She dressed quickly and put her running shoes on, found an old college sweater and walked to the door, ready to empty her mind. Not forgetting her phone, she closed the door of her apartment and walked down the stairs, ready to feel the burn in her sore legs. It was almost three in the morning, and everything was quiet. It was probably stupid to go for a run at that time of the night, but she just couldn’t care less. Turning right at the corner of her street, she started to run in the lighted streets of the city she now knew so well. It was February, and it was still quite chilly in Washington. The wind blowing in her face was biting, the burn in her legs was starting to be felt, and her breathing was short. She was finally starting to forget about everything else, the pain radiating in her whole body. Suddenly, she felt wetness on her cheeks, and realized that she had started crying without even noticing it. She didn’t love Seth, she had never truly loved him. She knew it now, and she felt awful for that. She had misled him as much as she had misled herself in this relation. It had started the wrong way, and it was ending the wrong way too. Sitting on a bench in Dupont Circle, she realized she was only a few blocks further away from Seth’s apartment. She looked at the time on her phone, and wondered if it was really appropriate to come break up with someone at that time of the night, but then she realized that she was never doing normal things. So she stood up again, and continued running toward Seth apartment. Arriving there, she contemplated the front door for a long time. She could see the windows on his apartment on the third floor, and was waiting for any sort of movement. There, leant on a car that wasn’t hers, she waited, thinking again and again. And then, she saw a light illuminating the living room. The TV was on. He wasn’t sleeping. So she walked up the stairs and sighed before knocking softly at the door. It took a while before she could hear any step coming to the door, and judging by the time he took to open the door, she could understand he was wondering whether he should open or not. But he did, and didn’t say anything. He just opened the door wide to let her in, and she did so. She wasn’t so sure how to behave, what to do or what to say, but she knew she needed to speak. So, right there at the entrance of his apartment she had been to so often in the last few months, she decided to open her mouth. 

 

“I didn't wake you up, right?” she asked.

 

No answer. He just shook his head. He was clearly waiting for something from her, and she didn’t know where to start. A tough conversation was coming ahead, and she wasn’t really feeling sure how to behave. 

 

“I’m sorry Seth…” she started. 

 

She thought he would interrupt her at one point or another, but he didn’t.

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever really truly loved you. I want to be honest, because I care so much about you. But I feel like our relation started off of the wrong foot, and I actually think it should have never started. I feel like I’ve misled you, but don’t get the wrong idea, I’ve misled myself too. You were just there when I needed someone the most, and I never really thought about what I was doing.”

 

For one instant, she wondered if she should just stop there, and go away. But now that she was there, she just needed to pour her heart out. 

 

“I think I’ve been fooling myself for a year. I think I’ve never truly stopped having feelings for Aaron. I know it hurts, I know I am a bitch for saying it out loud, but I need to tell you. I don’t want you to think that I’ve fooled you, because I never did it on purpose.”

 

Seth knew about Aaron and Emily. He had noticed it when it happened, and after he had started dating Emily, she had told him. She had told him everything. And foolishly, he had hoped that she would stop loving his rival, but the truth is, he never really thought he could compete with the National Security Adviser, especially after his return to the White House. Having Emily say it out loud was hurting so much he wanted to throw something at her, he wanted to punch the wall and scream at her. But at least, she was being honest, more honest than she had ever been in the few months they had been together. Cause he truly loved Emily, he did. And not being loved back was the worst feeling in the world. And now that she had realized all of this, he would have to see Aaron parade with Emily all day, knowing that he was the one in her bed, lying on the side where he had had the chance to be for some time. Now that she had said everything, he just wanted her to leave, but she didn’t seem ready to do it. He couldn’t help but wonder what she was waiting for, except maybe rubbing it in. And she just did it. 

 

“You’ll always be one of my best friends” she said.

 

She didn’t even seem to realize what she was saying, and he just couldn’t stand it anymore. He opened his mouth for the first time since she had arrived.

 

“Can you leave now?” he asked, cold and obviously hurt. 

 

He was expecting her to protest, but she didn’t. She turned around and put her hand of the handle of the door, opened it and crossed the threshold. It was over. Emily started running again, her legs completely sore from the lack of exercise. She ran back to her apartment, taking numerous detours to avoid going home too fast as the tears were running down her cheeks. She knew she had screwed up, that she had handled it terribly. He looked hurt, and she knew he was. A block away from her apartment, she stopped in front of the already opened coffee shop and ordered a very large cup of dark coffee. She would need it, not having slept from the whole night. She finished the walk back home slowly, starting to drink her cup, and poured the rest in a travel mug as soon as she arrived, keeping it from cooling down. It was almost five in the morning, and she was supposed to wake up soon, but it was now that she wanted to sleep. She calculated everything and weighed the pros and cons of going to work without a single hour of sleep. She lied down on the couch and turned an alarm on for six fifteen, only fifteen minutes before going to work, just the time to take a quick shower. Closing her eyes, she fell asleep almost instantly. 

 

In the end, Emily arrived at work ten minutes late, which she didn’t considered bad since she had managed to take a shower and put makeup on in that time. Even though she had tried to hide them, the shadows under her eyes were betraying her and her lack of sleep. Her mood too. She was grumpy all day, and the tension between Seth and her had been very palpable. Every single Senior Adviser had noticed it, but none could quite understand how bad this was. 

 

Aaron had been back to the office after two terrible days in Cuba, and while he had thought it would feel good to be back at work after all of the stress and fear he had endured over there, he had been thrown in the middle of a battle between his two colleagues without really understanding why. To the best of his knowledge, Seth and Emily were dating, and had obviously fought recently. Little did he know the whole story behind all of this and that he was right at the heart of it. Therefore, he couldn’t quite understand why Seth had been throwing death glares at him all day long. He could feel something had changed, but he didn’t know what, and it was intriguing him more than anything. In addition, Emily had been acting very weirdly with him too, and he wasn’t sure why either. It looked like she was about to stop breathing every single time he was too close to her, and that her movements were unsure. She had never looked at him in the eyes once since their first meeting early in the morning. 

 

It was the middle of the afternoon, and Lyor, Seth, Aaron and Emily stopped in front of Aaron’s office after one of their numerous talks in the hallways of the West Wing. Aaron had hoped for a quiet day to come back after all the stress he had endured recently, but crises were coming one after the other, and the tension between his colleagues was starting to drive him crazy. So when Emily and Lyor left their conversation, and Seth glanced at him before turning his back, he decided he couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“Seth!” he called. “What is going on man?”

“Nothing…” Seth answered, turning back to face Aaron.

“Oh come on! Cut the bullshit with me. Did you fight with Emily?” he asked, putting his foot into it.

“Quite the opposite actually. I stopped fighting.” the Press Secretary answered harshly. 

 

Aaron understood what it meant. They had broken up. 

 

“I’m sorry man” 

“You shouldn’t be…” 

 

Seth turned his back to Aaron and started walking back to his own office, leaving Aaron in the middle of the hallway, thinking about what Seth had just said. He was dumbfounded. Putting two and two together, he quickly realized that he was in the middle of Emily and Seth’s break up. He still couldn’t quite understand all the outline of everything, but clearly something had happened while he was in Cuba. Closing his office’s door and sitting on his chair, he started thinking about everything and feeling torn apart. Seth was his friend, and he felt bad for him. Clearly, Seth was broken, he had seen the pain in his friend’s eyes and he didn’t like that. But on the other hand, it also meant that Emily was free as a bird again, and the tiny little piece of hope that had disappeared when she started dating Seth was back in Aaron’s heart. Truth be told, Aaron had always had a thing for Emily. Her personality, her wit, her courage, her strength. He had given her a hard time when they first met, but only because he felt endangered by such a woman. And hell, she was beautiful too. She even was stunning. Her look, her mouth, the way she smiled, the way she walked. Everything about her was beautiful. Shaking his head, he tried to forget about all of this and to go back to work, handling the stack of papers in front of him. But he wasn’t productive. Nothing was making him forget about what he had just discovered. He considered his options and tried to find a way to ignore the fire building in his heart. He was like petrified, he wanted to go get some air, but was afraid to cross path with Seth or Emily on his way out of the West Wing. He wanted to go get coffee, but it meant walking all the way to the cafeteria, where he would most likely meet someone he knew. So he stood up and started pacing around in his office. He felt trapped in his small office, and he couldn’t help but starting to feel crazy. His breathing was starting to be short, and he needed to escape. Just like in Cuba, he needed to escape. Looking at the clock, he realized his next meeting was only half an hour later. He had thirty minutes to calm down, also, because Emily would be in this meeting too. He gathered his courage and opened the door to walk outside, shoving people on his way to the entrance, walking faster and faster with every step. When he arrived outside, he closed the door and leaned against the nearby wall, breathing heavily. One of the guys from the Secret Service was there, looking at him, intrigued. He was on a break too, smoking a cigarette. 

 

“You ok?” he asked.

“I will be…” Aaron answered. 

 

The guy from the Secret Service held a pack of cigarettes to Aaron, who considered the option. He had not smoked in years, probably since college and one of those frat parties he used to go to, but he was suddenly tempted by the idea. 

 

“Thanks” he said.

 

Aaron took one cigarette, and lighted it. He closed his eyes as the smoke was starting to burn down his throat. The contradiction between the windy air of February and the smell of the cigarette was feeling good. The smell was intoxicating him, making him forget about anything else. No more Emily, no more Seth, no more Cuba. Nothing mattered anymore, just the burn of the cigarette. He squatted down against the wall and closed his eyes, breathing heavily. Slowly, he could feel himself getting better, his breathing started to slow down, and his mind stopped racing. _I’ll be okay. I can do it. I can get in and do this._ He said to himself. His cigarette now finished, he breathed in one more time, taking all the fresh air he could, and stood up. The meeting was about to start, he would be okay. 

  

Emily wasn’t feeling sure about herself either. She knew she had been awkward around Aaron all day, and the lack of sleep was profound. Drinking another cup of coffee, she walked to the room where the meeting was supposed to be held, and entered quickly as she saw Aaron coming toward her. Just like always, he would sit next to her, and she wasn’t sure she could handle it. At least, Seth wouldn’t be in the meeting, so he wouldn’t glance at them all the time, and that was a good thing. 

 

“Hey” 

 

Aaron had arrived and was sitting next to her, as planned. But she quickly turned toward him and looked at him, intrigued. He smelled like cigarette. But he didn’t smoke. Or she didn’t think he was. She had never heard anything about him smoking, and she had never smelled cigarette around him ever. 

 

“You smoke ?” she asked discreetly as the room was filling up with people.

“Usually no, but I just needed it,” he answered honestly.

 

She didn’t say anything else. He needed it. She couldn’t quite understand why, but she would get to the bottom of this later. Or maybe not. Maybe it wasn’t that much of a good idea to get to the bottom of it, because it meant being alone with him in a room, and she wasn’t ready for it. 

 

The meeting went surprisingly well, and the rest of the afternoon too. Emily walked back to her office and spent the rest of the day locked in it, avoiding to go out for anything else than work. She was tired of everything : physically, she just needed a good night sleep, but mentally, she would need much more than that to get back to her normal self. The past couple of days had been exhausting for her. Breaking up with her boyfriend, realizing she still had feelings for a past crush, and having this love interest captured in Cuba was just too much for her little heart. Laying on the couch in her office, she closed her eyes and started crying. It was almost eight in the evening, most of the White House staffers were gone, and she knew no one would bother her anymore. She could be in peace in her office and cry alone. So she let all her emotions express themselves through the tears that she couldn’t hold any longer. She cried for a good fifteen minutes before being able to gain some sort of composure back. And then, she heard a knock at the door. Startled, she sat up and wiped away the tears on her cheeks before answering. Aaron was there.

 

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t think you would be here. I just wanted to drop that on your desk…” he started, hesitant.

 

But as soon as he turned his head toward Emily, he stopped. He realized her eyes were red from crying, and instinctively, rushed to her and asked what was going on.

 

“Em… You alright?” 

 

No matter how uncomfortable it was to be here right now, the last thing he could handle was seeing her crying. He had seen her cry a couple of times, and each and every time it had broken his heart. 

 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m alright.” she answered.

“Emily…” he scolded.

 

And that did the trick. She couldn’t hold it any longer, she needed to say everything, all of it, the good, the bad, she just needed to tell him. And through the tears that had started running down her cheeks again, she poured her heart out. 

 

“You scared the shit out of me Aaron. I thought I would never see you again, that I would lose you. All of the feelings I’d been burying deep down came right back at me when I saw you on that video, reading that message. I don’t know if I’ve ever been more scared in my life. And while you were there, stuck in the middle of nowhere, and I didn’t know what to do, Seth started pressuring me about going on holidays with him, and it was just too much. I realized that I started dating Seth for the wrong reasons, and so I broke up with him. And I’m such a bitch, because I know he truly loved me, and I feel like I’d been betraying him all these months, and that I misled him. But I misled myself too in the meantime. And I’ve misled you too. And I’m so sorry, because I’ve seen all the death glares he threw at you all day, and it’s all my fault. I’m so sorry it took me so long to realize all of this, but I’ve never stopped loving you. Never…”

 

There, she had said it. Aaron had taken her hands in his, and when she finally said those words, he took her in his arms, instantly inhaling her every day perfume that was wearing off. He held her tight, feeling her tears on his shoulder, and in that moment, they both knew everything would be okay. They would be okay. 

 


End file.
